He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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