I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
