im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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