So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
