yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
