she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
