We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
