But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I will pee on everything he values.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize