New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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