I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
