So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
