can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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