I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
