in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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