My nipple is on Facebook.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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