Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
