his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
