How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
