I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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