whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
FUCK WHALES
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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