I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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