i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
