3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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