I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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