You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
