Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
