i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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