i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
