Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You have to summon your inner elephant
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
