areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
