This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
