So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
