she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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