You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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