You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
