you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
