I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
