I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
