I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
