oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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