I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
