Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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