i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
