i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize