I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
