I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize