Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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