she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
