Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
