My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
