I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
