I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
