Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How external is "for external use only"?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
