dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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