Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Two words: blizzard sex
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
