I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
