Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
In America we eat man semen.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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