R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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