guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
