His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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