Swine flu. Run for my life!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
