My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
