Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
