Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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