when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
