Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
