I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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