I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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