She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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