You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize