I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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