You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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