She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
