ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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