As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
