All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
