i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
