I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
