I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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