yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
