I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize