We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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