So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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