If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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