six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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