just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
