I will die if light touches me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
