Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
