Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Are we still banned from the library?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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