I wish I could punch you in the face.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
